148

I must recapture, that way of looking at things. Right in front of everybody, cards are handed out, and I'm not invited. Supposedly, he has a vision. I can breathe, I'm a human being, I like girls, I like chickens. You paisley wearing unlikable. Gandering at Medusa, ogling it, grooving on it. Big car, fat on marijuana, and throat lozenges. I totally turned into rubber. My buttocks are not your playground, Satan. These are the sounds. There were farmers. Your evil contradictions, and you will be satisfied. Shrug, and walk on. Look through my psych ward files. How could you do this to me, Reverend Flim-Dixie? Like the sensual tiger of the near east, to bend over, and spread eagle, for you? Increase the drama, you're gonna’ enjoy this! Sometimes, I want to, other times, I don't. Accept the invitation to the Blitzkrieg, another bar, somewhere else. Go off into a trance, and irritate yourself. You didn’t want to get your shoes all full of mud. Look under the cap. The new way of looking at the common cold. Unadulterated reason, rusty button couplings, smell like mold. Lately, my dreams have tapped into the universal, main artery. I'm a man, and I'm wearing lipstick, there’s got to be something very wrong with me, this has got to be a fraternity prank. How about determined, and obsolete? How can I get out of the cartoon moose, cattle run? Why is everything I do, so wrong? I want to do something that’s never been done, anywhere before, otherwise ... why? So I take my pictures, and read my books, and write what I think about. So, they'll go to law school, tomorrow. We'll bid on this, and vote again, we’ll follow them home, until the end of time. I am floundering out here, on my own, please send me another postcard. My shame is my pain, there are other things involved. And there'll always be somebody you see, and want to just take home, or whatever. I feel like I’m fully fluent, and proficient, in Latin, which is to say, useless. But of course, you don't, because you’re scared, of a wealth of things, the least of which, are diseases. You know what I'm talking about. But still, the tattoos remain. How is it, they are able to sit so still? As the vacuum cleans up after their dreams, after the fall, before the waltz. The end, flashes before my eyes, over and over, it flickers, and then, subsides. Piss and shit, and how do harp seals, cry with their eyes? How our entire lives, have been one big, long lie. Faith is irrational, and aberrant, this is the result of the rearranged priority snafu. You’ll soon see, just how driven I am. There’s still fire on the porch, dusty, old amplifiers, in the basement. Becoming like a broken record, devoid of curiousness, and consciousness, I discover happiness. Hung up with chains, in coffee shops, five minute party drop-byes, I couldn't say I loved you, on the phone. The whistles never cease, the people never leave. In the crowd, in the crowd. Struck by a possible mating partner, one of those un-exemplified friendships. I was coast to coast, on a broom, I'll tell ya! Never to be recognized, in this lifetime? Well, I guess that’s up to you. My breath smells like death, but my head moves. I can sing, I am an entertainer, spent, and unlicensed. Determined underwater, bough cracking, light injustice, hands before my face. Rocket ship chained down, the spell backfired, exhumed by advanced races. A click in my clock, some breach, or barrier, I remember water, evidence of the miles walked. This book once cost 2.25, nowadays, it'd cost 20. All those forgotten people, that I once thought I lived for, she wouldn't go with me to the graveyard, she wanted to remain safe, in her dorm room. Look ever forward, to the last urge, let it motivate you. The grand finale’, is never quite grand enough, for the likes of us, is it? I became very stupid, slowly, or, all at once. The chair is pointed right at me, an invitation to sit down, but why should I sit, if I feel like standing? It is so easy to play ping-pong with the system, and lose. I know you’re tooty fruity. Why should I follow urges, rules? Published, and then, burned. I was as shy as an egg. Oh, some of us hit ourselves. I must stop adding things into this. More birds eye view scenes, from towns I used to live in. Cement truck fascination, and look, there’s the community mental health center. Like your walking out, had anything at all to do with the quality of what was happening onstage? I think it's more on account of the fact that I've been sitting in here, inspired, for so long, but there is nothing to do. I have duplicates of that singing salmon roadhouse show, you tried to hide. What more can be done with words? Don't you ever get rough with me, again, I'll hit you, and smack your face. That feminine, glow-like, moaning, in the background. Oh, that Monday night excitement, did somebody say, excitement? Doesn't anybody work full time, anymore? New construction, in an old, worn out, forgotten town. It's so hot in here, all the animals are trying to paw the door open, definition, precarious. I tried to speak. but kept getting interrupted. So, I wrote down everything that I would have said, in a three ring binder, now, I'll know what could've happened. Maybe she wanted to, but I smelled like urine, and made it clear, I couldn’t, anyway. A mistake, fate, pound her, make the bed move? She can't read this, let her know, anyhow, what you would have liked to have done. It just happened, in spite of me, things came true, dreams died, or were deferred, time passed. I created abstractions, with the raw data, I will write, tired hand! She didn't marry him, just follows him around. The other; off, and beyond me. In the park, we were contemplating where we had been, and where we were going. Cross the street, reminiscing, these words I think, are in the only proper context, and are the only ones really appropriate. Looking back, I always possessed control of every situation, and find those “nervous breakdowns," really hard to fathom. Things look different, in the light of current evidence. Did my self-analysis work? Apart from you, I'm doing fine, by my standards. She began chanting, with a crepe paper tiara on. Now you know all my perversions.