095

We were amazed by the floral arrangements. Imbeciles go a lot further, on less, than asshole imbeciles. Around here, you ask for a divorce, you get shot. To keep things nice, clean, and even. If a person can hit bottom, without realizing it, I have (many times). It could very well be, that I despise selfish people so much, because I, myself, am selfish. Too many miles, and hours, in trucks and cars, none of which are running well. I can't live this way, shit, I don't even think I can live, at all. Stand on the dock, perplexed, deflate your ego, from it’s star. The fireworks show was a total flop. Oh, I’m vexed, something fierce. Joe invented a stew. Blow into the centrifuge. Nobody has anything in common with anybody else, the human condition itself, doesn't apply to everybody, anymore. There is no peace, no security, no contentment. The more I read, studied and learned, the stupider I got. Convictions get us into nothing but trouble, and not the obvious kinds of convictions. If it weren't for the mercy of those near and dear, I'd be digging in dumpsters right now. End my pain. Did I already tell you, that I'm a moron? When you're down, I've discovered, there is lower. Sure, there are a lot of changes, but so what? The abyss of potential, the seemingly insurmountable, heights of actuality... Fighting didn't work, neither did giving in, and joining. Life is boring, but you don’t need me to tell you this (I could just as easily say the opposite here). The shit wound up on the wall, the floor, the seat, the bowl, the area in front of the crapper... it got strange. We get chosen, or passed over, on the basis of our alleged appeal. Shock me, like a pig before the slaughter. There is nothing in any store, worth buying. We're goofballs, trying to act cool, in front of princes and princesses, we elect in our own heads. The old dirt road to nowhere, has a hell of a lot more significance to me than that. Not liking me is a sign, that you're very likely a good, upstanding, honest citizen. I've become good at listening and asking questions of others, so as not to look like a total and absolute... This shit where nobody will hire me, is getting real old! I resent the… anything! My mind has warped and demented into it's own pia matter. Everywhere we go is empty, there is not one goddamn thing, going on, anywhere. A bit banal, yeah, but aren't we all? How many more coffee shops are they planning on opening? It takes too long to get to the point where you stop thinking and talking, and start doing. No one wants to pay, it's over. Automatic pilot, north and south, left and right, is our cereal now contaminated? It becomes impossible to enjoy yourself, no matter what you do, but not for everybody. I'm not cut out for the way things are, no, I won't "get used to it," or, "deal with it." When things that shouldn't, start to get on your nerves, move on. Another identical waiting room, I couldn't get on the plane. There is nowhere and no one to turn to, who would, or could, or will, possibly give one toss. All the bacteria living on the surface, causes the odor. Why am I always the bridesmaid? The storm clouds have come and gone, whatever happened, happened. Our tears are a waste of perfectly good saline. We have lots of questions. Everything smells like either shit, or puke! Most responsibilities shirked, or blown off, all kinds of difficulties are being encountered, terrible things are happening, melanin gone, pigment. All of my money, I am still not feeling very good, about this. The blueprints were carefully rolled. Then, they’re gone. Just try to fuck her feet. I feel nothing but guilt, shame, and torment. Kick at the plastic shed, until it's totally useless. It is very hard to stay positive, or even know what that could mean, living as we live, and doing what we do, in this world we live in. Resist the urge 'to resist' conformity? I deleted it all.