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I'm so sorry this is so crazy and fucked up! It will be used, it will all be used, and will be in complete sentences! What I've chosen to do, is not choose, and to make that, not be a choice! All the issues that I thought were problems, weren't, the real problems, are only what I avoid. If you sit and watch the world go by, it goes by, faster. I don't have hours to spend, trying to save someone else's life, that is already gone, when my own, is over with. It's going to take a whole hell of a lot of serious effort, to escape this inescapable conundrum, that I've found myself in. Somebody has to be doing it, though, why not? The shit always not only hits the fan, it somehow gets into the motor of it, rendering it absolutely obsolete. $250.00 might not seem like a lot of money to you, I don't even make that in a week. Well, another cancellation notice for my insurance! Yelling is only the beginning, when you're drawn into somebody else's life suck. I'm stuck here now, which is to say that I've made my final decision. Stay very still and quiet. There aren't any jobs, or it seems like there aren't, I'm not looking hard enough. How I became such an utter fool, while reading all that I read, is beyond me, but it most certainly happened. It may surprise who? Too much fun, is most people's problem. Remember being chased down the street? Advice is cheap, and never really applies, anyway, no one can ever even approximate, anyone else. The ideas aren't coming, haven't been, in months. All that counts in this world, is insanely hard work, and effort. Lives get ruined every day, and even though it's a sad sight to see, people bring it all upon themselves. When at cross purposes with the World, the guillotine of society and culture and politics, governments, whatever, will have your head. Out of room, out of context, how is it that some of us, became the kind of people who read magazines, and others are written about in them? More than hell, is what could happen, unless, of course, you're one of the good, quiet people of the world, that you used to make fun of. Things pretended orange. It takes more than mere due diligence, nowadays. Let the battles be fought by others, I'm weak. All inspiration is hard, almost impossible, work. The butterflies in my stomach, must want to get out, or something. People like me, die in wars, we haven’t had a good one in awhile, however. The dizziness and perversity, is getting worse. I can already feel myself pulling to one side, shit! Is the new goal, to let all the other people, gain all that was earmarked for you? I am a madman, a freak, a nut, a weirdo, an oddball, a squeeze box, a lazy bum, a trip, a dumb dong; and isn’t that a dilly, indeed? Stay on the sunny side of the porch. Yes, I have screwed up, many, many times, but the remainder of my time is dedicated to picking up the shattered and broken down things, and making some kind of abstract sculpture out of it all. The argument never ends. Call in sick, while thinking about exactly when you plan to quit. The distractions of the world are becoming too powerful to avoid, like any and all sin. It sucks, but if you don't work very hard, for long hours, you will find that your life is finished, before it begins. I came to the wrong conclusion, that I wasn't yet a writer, because I hadn't sold anything. Don't talk. For the rest of my life, I have resolved to do a few things in a radically different way, than I have in the past. It’s all a bunch of immature yelping and welping. I’m making it take this long. There is a ridiculous sort of stress, or pressure, which keeps us down. The fuck ups of the world, will continue to fuck up, until big things happen, to wake them up in a permanent way. Try to see each section, as a book. You waited? Kill the selfish first? We all want more time, when we hear the tick-tock, towards the end. Can’t live, can’t die, can’t do anything. Are we all zombies? It can’t be stopped. It’s some kind of mysterious syndrome. To know yourself is embarrassing. Check the mouse traps, or however the old yarn went. The Devil will get you, that’s what he does. Sticking the knife into the ham. Most of us, will simply, fail.