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I guess I only say I'm trying hard, what I'm really doing, is just taking yet another piss (maybe, flushing). Save money, don't buy anything. Make a fool of yourself in the diner, just because you can. A million dollars for a half an hour show (before commercials)? You could spend half your life writing down signs, and symptoms. I just quit my job (in my mind). You stupid kids, drop your artifices! None of my clients like me, I mean, I can (let go of me!) understand why, but the levels of their hatred for me, can sometimes be... I just got scammed. Who will we elect to watch the plants grow in the garden, this year? This is what we get, and it's all we get. There is no way we're coming out of the house tonight. Don't drain all the sap out of the tree. My good life just took a few steps downward. Things haven't gone... this was supposed to prevent it. Things we wish we didn't miss... There is no way that I will ever allow myself to go off the deep end, or even wade in the shallow one, again. None of us should ever waste any time. Ten dollars is a matter of life and death to me, right now. The idea of a "distant view," is over with. What... My wallet hasn't been empty (as it is now) in four or five years! Nothing is really very interesting. As I sat in my jail cell, all I could think of was, when I was going to get out, if ever. There is a dead heat on, nobody knows what to do about this. Eventually, taking out the garbage becomes a thrill, or, about as thrilling as things get. I should've known I'd be the next one out the in door, of life. Oh, the spreading of the tingles... we aren't sure if what we think, or say, is sound? It could be, it could very well be, that I'm fooling myself. Sleep might not be a viable option tonight. I didn't mean to bore you with the speech on how boring I am. They say that you are innocent until proven guilty, but you know what you've done, and chances are, they know better than you do. Nobody will let us be ourselves. It was a kind of erotic picnic. There are things you just don’t say/write. I am one of the “below average.” Validate your risk taking behavior, with a few solid breakthroughs. Sex yourself up to a froth. With a sudden death... there is no way that I should have let happen, what I just did. Death will occur, I guarantee it! So, so far behind, it's like I am working in conjunction with another self, to destroy myself. I miss my anorexic days. Clean, red dirt, grub free, fresh. There used to be a way through, behind the next door neighbors house. There is no mood, character, or flavor, to my life, right now, at all. The bohemian free fall, is not enjoyable anymore. No, I most certainly wasn't always a good kid. The greasy, dirty plate, sits in the room, where it will probably remain for months. It is going to ruin everything, it's a whole new thing to get used to. He may be an asshole, but she's no sweetheart, herself. My life is in the garbage disposal, could you help me pull it out? I'm a few steps beyond crazy, but still, it's not enough to make a difference in this world. We can only imagine what went on when we weren't there, what they did for fun, how they argued. I'd be really going places, if I didn't keep trying to hurt myself. The push and pull has all dried up, and died down, for now, for a couple of years, already. Those things about my past, are not bound to go away. How can I even be expected to act like I give a shit, about any of this? You were too drunk to remember them reading you your rights. It seemed like I was arrested. Our personal limits, the whole wide range of emotions, must be gone through. Being a little rough around the edges, is the nice way of saying something else. We get spoonfuls of help when we need buckets. We make the easy, difficult, with our ways of going about things, and not. We carry shields, they can take many forms, to serve different functions. There aren't any social situations that I'm not totally inept at. Your little affair will sour, fester and end, life is to be despised.
She had a very particular look, or so I believed. We know you, you're that guy that did that thing! So dizzy, so sleepy, so tired, so sick. There is no way you're getting one more dime from me. Sometimes, I think thoughts that aren't my own. No, there is no way, no way, that I'm giving up on this. The unrealized film score, may never occur. There is going to be a major medical emergency, involving me, in the near future. It's disruption everywhere, or worse. For the trouble you're in, I wouldn't put my trust in a court provided cocksucker, or whatever those jerks are called. Bridge may be icy, now hiring, next exit, sixty-five miles an hour, it sounds like a geyser getting ready to blow, this churning from on deeper. Nobody is too happy with the way things are going, or, in general. Don't get comfortable. All I can hear is my failure, walking down the road, kind of lame. Venus, don't leave me. As far as I'm concerned, most people have it pretty easy, though I could be wrong, I don't think I am. Basically, I have no personality. All I know, is sometimes, I can't see, and that's sort of a scary thing, you know? There isn't anything you can do, or say, to explain your way out of this one. Here come those animated dolls on parade. I don't have any fantasies, they are more like visual aids to engage the, uh. You’ll see… The continental influx, will get in your eyes. It’s a never ending, siege (prime time). Some things that you love, must be jettisoned, in order to do what you need to do. People are always around here. I'm worried that my hate is going to get worse, and that I'm going to wind up hurting someone. Was the downtown bus only a dream? How did you figure it out, how many ghosts was it she'd seen? There is an awful lot of yellow along these roads. Black, agitated, morose, grim, the more we rim, the more that can rub off. The little squabbles, all become a "big thing". We live the majority of the time in denial. Sex is something (like a fence) for animals, not people, apparently. We've got to wait a while, as much as we may not want to, even though, by all conservative estimates, we've waited long enough. The machines are taking over our lives. No way from here to there... It wasn't just that small adjustments needed to be made, but it doesn't matter anyway, because it's over. The divorce should have happened four years before it did. What grisly discovery will I make next? The pets come running when any of the instruments of their feeding are being manipulated. This is like gathering nuts for some nefarious purpose. What's that say there? Just double it. Why didn’t they ever take us to the library? I don’t want to be this way anymore. A fresh wool sandwich, for you. What do I really want? The whole disaster, a focal point. There will be conflict, enemas, salves and ointments. Baby, we don't got to do anything, just... I don't believe in happiness, in any form, it's distraction from the truth, even reality itself, it is immaturity and avoidance. The luggage is packed, but nobody ever leaves. Remember this dull, pointless day, buy a souvenir to (no blue jeans, ever) commemorate it. Don't go anywhere where the fish catch quotient, is guaranteed. We will be dead soon enough. That was a high plains incident. Do you ever go to parties at your sisters house? So far, there haven't been any days off, but maybe it's high time to take a couple. She had multiple tattoos of bar codes, on her ass. Even way back then, I didn't believe we did what we were told to do, forced to do, not only expected of us, but demanded of us. Laugh at me if you must, but I happen to believe, I'm an easy target. I want this to be over with, see? The crazy lady yelled something, I forget what. There is no word for that, in this language. The verbs are inactive…
Those words you used, those phrases, especially in regards to the septic system. My whole life stands in the balance, with other people taking and giving away, the weights and measures. I don’t know whose blood is all over my shirt, I don’t much care, either. There was a spin-out, a vicious spin-out, but no accident. I am convinced of my formerly seething, “paranoia’s.” Sew your own buttons on the hand me down clothes. Nobody looks like they're having a good time, I can't even imagine what normal life would consist of. The amazing thing is, when you go somewhere you wouldn't ordinarily go, or do something you wouldn't ordinarily do, nothing seems to happen. Remember getting so drunk that everything was liquid and electric, well, then again, how could you? Cigarettes don't give you any fair warning, before they kill you. Silence is a tool to be used, not a frightening event to be stopped. Why do I make so many big mistakes? I did my simulation of a toad, which didn't go over well with the post-whatever crowd. And then, there is like, this great ejaculation, a kind of orgasm, an orgasm of absolute and total thrills and excitement. I owed the car insurance company every cent I had, which reminds me, why didn't I pick that dime up off the sidewalk the other morning? I want you, and I am going to take you, have you, devour you, wait and see who this is. What could I do, right now, to change things for the better? It is terrible to come out from being hypnotized, and ask, why didn't I see this coming? Cigarettes may be the only constant in my life. We used to try and walk in a particular way, to make it look like we were high level martial arts experts. Turn off the inner ear radio. There is no excitement, for anyone, ever. Do you remember that one time we went down to the... It takes a lot longer to get that way, these days. When I got robbed, I couldn't believe it, that was the first reaction. I currently occupy the lowest rung of society. Stretch out all the muscles that won't stretch. What I say, usually has nothing to do with what I'm asked. No lawyer can get me out of this mess. Become the classical music. You people... get away from my compost pile! Are you currently hoping for miracles, Gods, Angels, or Sisters of Mercy, to help you, which do not exist? I am only a spectator of what happens on the stage, I don't know if this, or anything else, will ever make a difference. How could three pounds worth of food have been consumed? Even getting drunk, and quietly watching people play golf, is not allowed. This was fucked up, now, I'd say it's beyond the point of no return. The poodle humped my leg, I was so lonely, that I didn't stop it. I don't want to wind up being found dead underneath a viaduct. Standing in line for what seems like hours, you definitely see, or think, certain things that... commonalties that can be explained and re-explained. Haircut, or no haircut, miserable. Humpday is nothing to giggle about anymore. Today, I'm gay, tomorrow, I'll be straight. I keep writing, because I don’t believe what I’ve written here, is good enough. What did happen back at the Redring café? We never get the job. Maybe they knew him, maybe they didn't, but I went around asking, and people seemed to know. The chocolates were dropped. As I get flabbier, I get more at ease, comfortable. Clear the yard of debris. I have never sung in my life, I've mouthed the words, faked it. My days are numbered at work. She told me that she spent her time at summer camp, making faces. My death is tapping me on the shoulder, beckoning and daring me, with every move I make. That's all there is, we thought there would be more, more that we could do. These are questions that we all have, we understood that we have to change absolutely everything! As I've told my doctor, many, many times, there is something very wrong with my stomach. I would keep everybody alive and well as long as possible, if it were up to me. The robot went berserk, once again, seceded from it’s programming. My mouth looks like a clam.