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The mental pain and anguish, wouldn't allow me to enjoy success, if I had any to enjoy! I look and feel, like a pig, who's about to get hunted. The dynamics have been shifted around, somehow. Let's play ring around the manic-depressive! There is no comfort even possible, now. There is going to be trouble, somebody found the remote control. Cloudy memories begin to resurface, years after the events have transpired. I am not Mr. Cool, I'm not the guy with the steady hands, or the purposeful gait, wonderful posture. I'm deteriorating! This is my last and only chance, to make things right. With all the problems that I've been having lately, even I'm ready, to give it all up to the Lord. None of this seems the least bit like poetry to me, it makes a wicked sort of sense, that a man who doesn't know who he is, doesn't know what he writes. If I'd stick to the diet that I came up with months ago, I'd be all right. I can't stand it, I just can't stand it anymore, it's too much for me. I can't seem to stay on top of things. It would be better to actually starve to death, than to worry constantly, about not doing so. How much longer can I do absolutely nothing, before something happens, which forces me to act? The eggs, on the whole, every day, were spoiled. I didn't do it! Nothing much happens. Could I possibly consume any more food? We share facts and figures, with people who already know them. Did I put that thing about tables in the résumé? I am dying, here and now. Got to get out of the grease! She had some strange ideas about how not to get hooked... My problems have just gotten worse, since leaving where I thought all of my problems stemmed from. When you're a kid, just finding a bird's nest can be a big deal. It's all pretty amazing, the things that happen, and what doesn't, that needs to. Somebody, please help me, I promise I'll help you, if you need it someday. I think I blew my chances with/for/regarding, the lynch mob. I refuse to allow myself to get fucked in the ass by that creature. Now I've got a list of strangers phone numbers, whoop-de-do. Flex pathetic, shake it off. I feel worse off sober than back when I was drunk all the time. I am one of those people who try very hard, and get very little. What if this were to go out as is, with no editing? Why, I'd be the laughing stock of the publishing industry. It's nonstop diarrhea, and shit! These rancid fumes, where are they coming from? Give me back my goddamn disks, man! It's just like here, over there. You would be ashamed, if you saw what was captured on the film inside that camera. You can't beg or plead for acceptance. I only imagined the oooh's and ahhh's. None of my wares are all too enticing. Tammy is tonight's mystery guest! Insomnia is a reminder not to get up in the morning. Do the research which is required. I should have thought a whole lot harder, about a whole bunch of things, that I didn't think about at all! I tried to write a Bible, this is what happened. The true unhappiness will begin when your life does. You will feel my spongy cortex, this book, is essentially, a performance art piece. Call it, total dissassociation. Demand your money back. My conscience is clear, is yours? They will ostracise me, out of the shed. I'm sorry, terribly sorry, but I don't think I'm going to make it. It’s all a part of a whole, that I can’t even begin to go about describing, anymore. Vicious combinations of color! The instrument is out of tune. The city of tomorrow, today, isn’t. I shouldn’t have said anything, to say the least. How can I even sit here, right now? That asshole had all weekend to mow his lawn. After hours, means 8 P.M. around here, instead of 8 A.M., when it should be. What was that information hotline number, again? After five or six months without a job, a person can go through some startling metamorphoses, indeed. Would it kill them, to design a cool car? The stress has taken me over, I am no longer, me. One step forward, six steps back, is cruel and unusual punishment, if you ask me. It's already too late, way too late for me to try and change tunes right now, and act silly or funny, well, it wouldn't go over too well. How can it be, that on three out of four cars I’ve owned, the rearview mirrors break off? Your Goddamn negotiations, won’t get you anywhere. Inconsistency is the troll of a diseased mind. Nine-tenths of what I do, is ridiculous. All my friends, are lesbians.
There is no answer, well there are a lot of them, that's the problem. We don't meet nobody! The free show, the manic plan of work, the dissertation, the plastic reward. I am crazy, there (to deny it anymore, just takes up too much energy.)! I feel so guilty and terrible, to be doing every single thing I do. If I'd have done even half the things I thought about doing, I'd be a rich, happy, successful man, today. Must obey DADA! We had better be two notches stronger than strong! They act like they're not embarrassed, or at least, fed up, by my "young artist" routine. Give me a farm, and a long list of daily chores to do, and you'd never have to bitch about anything again. It's the money I'm after, folks! Every expensive, yet worthless, manual, advertises itself, as the most authoritative, and comprehensive. Can I get you to change the channel, please? The fear of interception, misuse, slush piles, returns. Is the battle plan to suck, or what? Yesterday, we tell them we love them, tomorrow, they're dead, so hold on, really, really... really tight. Someone has evidently, cast a voodoo curse on me. Call me kooky peanut eater, or a kind of mole. I've got to go back and cross off a whole bunch of things that I wrote, that aren't worth ink. Go do your 180 degrees. We're looking for ditto's, we don't have to flip over. This isn't Philosophy 333, it's more like Philosophy 666. It is as if I were trying to get the bugs out of my skull, and they don't want to leave. Disturb the equilibrium, greatly. We need to have a few laughs, but nothing's really funny, anymore. Soon, we'll be seeing in quadruple! Ah, hesitation! Oh, I'm a sinner, if sin is taken to mean to have missed the bullseye, somewhat. Don't force people who can't get laid if their lives depended on it, to watch everyone, fuck everyone else, on the movie screen, or television. There is no fate, there's maybe/maybe not. Whew, yeah, you'd better not mention that media conglomerate by name, you'd wind up being more than sued, if such a thing were possible. Slander, is something I'll get sued for. That heavy metal song, takes on a whole new significance, now. What I've done is paint, well, write, myself into a corner, that I won't be able to get out of, except by more writing, which will put me further and further into the corner, until there is nowhere left to go, and nothing else to do. Torment causes frenzy, and vice-versa. No one failed me, I failed myself, it's always been that way, and hopefully, it won't be that way in the future. If only I could stop doing what I'm doing, and just as suddenly, pick something else. This cyanide mutation, if we could get a hold of the right kind of amphetamine. These tragic undercurrents, orange us through the space/time, causal system. I'm trying to deal more effectively with failure, if that's even the correct word to use. Too many people are reproducing. Get her pregnant. There may be more to comment on in the picture. I will sue you at the drop of a hat (you know who you are). Are those jerk off scars on my hands? If I die (drawn and quartered) tomorrow, do not attempt to publish this, there is no way that it was going to be like this (or that), once it would've been really finished. Lost pencils in arm casts, I am standing perfectly still. What was it about the batting cage that I wanted to say? The news shows, are already old, worn out, unfixable, useless. So much stiffness and discomfort, snorting, coughing, scratching of necks. They have complete control, of us. I thought I heard somebody say, “thanks for sharing.” I’ll always be a weak moment from prison, I guess. Don't try to get me to chase the chicken, I know they're never captured, unless they want to be. They hog it up, on the tit. There isn’t much that… but see, it would never, could never, happen. I got higher than Margaret, she could just spin around. Go way further than this, there is a lot of space to take. It is very difficult for me to keep my face still, for one second. If chewed for too long, gum dissolves in your mouth, try it. I would just assume not change my pants, or wear sunglasses. What was and what wasn't, included on that crazy piece of paper, that I mailed? My comb is near the table, as for the government, let it keep messing things up, until it goes away, or is forced to go away, somehow; either way, it should be none of our concern. I have to slip a little Missy in here, somewhere. We must all stop bullshitting, complaining, making excuses, and bitching, I, more than anybody else. The "fortunate," are those who can, and do, make things happen. So much phosphorus to piss! We've got to catch ourselves when we fall, and we will fall eventually, all of us. The focal point of the discussions, seemed to be how to make it, in a World that doesn’t give a shit (we don’t feel complete). Come out of the suicide crawl. Just ignore the hippies. See them, teachers?